Sunday, May 31, 2009

about the last post ..

the last post was suppose to be posted up last night but it took way too long for the video to upload .. anyways.. today was good, i had an interesting dayy but iv been feeling ugly fat lately, im not saying that cause im a girl, its like when you've eaten too much n its come to the point where u just feel like u've had enough with the butter n sugery stuff, ): self discipline this week !

p.s CHECK VIDEO from last post

miss my babe.


Saturday, May 30, 2009

i'm right here.

today was a LONG-ASS-FUCK DAY. i just came home .. later then wat i expected, pretty much exhausted myself out.. i flew hard with unicorns .. i guess cause i havn't done it more then once in one day for a very long time .. so i guess u can say i passed out while flying, lol good sleep though.. gotta make thhese next few weekends last before exams, then its quaratine for me.. er, i dont think quarantine is the word.. but a time for gettin stressed and worked up for my grades, which im probably gonna be too lazy too.. btw found dem old videos from last exam week (:

enjoy the stupidity.

Friday, May 29, 2009


MAN. why is it that when i have such an amazing day.. there always somethign to kick me in the balls ): FML! FOREAL. i guess reading angelas note in the beginning of the year was something i needed.. like really? am i that stupid? i've been moving away from friends that wanted to be my friends after all that shit that happened to me in elemtary school.. in which will not be said.. i dont even feel like its worth tryna chill w/ em anymore, i've been too gone its like they've got their shit to do, they have people now i dont even kno, and so i think.. should i even intercept in their lives once again, then again i might screw up and make them feel abandoned like the beginning of the year? or should i stay myself and see life play out, let them be them.. iuno they seem pretty happy at this point, no need for me.. ah fuck me.. the day i went to joan.. the one thing that fucked me up the most was when i was in the dance room, and i looked at angela and she looked at me n had this faint smile, i asked her "what?" and she said "nothing" but smiled, and im not as stupid as it seems, i clearly have hurtedded her by leaving .. and just being so close with her, and she acutally was one of the people in my life that i could say has clearly changed my life, including jezer, jayare, etc., it actually was a look that killed me .. i dont know what to do with myself anymore. when i left joan, i thought that since i'm gonna be away for a while i could just figure myself out cause i was a clueless fuck already, and i didn't expect myself to do shit i told myself i'd never do.. i never expected myself to make the closest people in the world feel like shit. i never expected myself to end up falling inlove and all that next ish. thinking back.. all this was a surprise attack and i thought i figured it out, i was able to stay stable in a relationship that changed me to be better.. but theres still so much more i still need to do to make my life more stable..

my post before i wrote that stuff above:
uh well.. this week has been.. up and down, man today was too crazy though, SCIENCE CENTRE, but i didn't fly with unicorns before it.. instead i was just GONE. it was too beautiful. sorta like the reason why im so small.. im so weak to it that i dont need to consume so much and i dont have to taste it. THATS the upside of it.. the downside is that people make fun of you ): well anyhow .. science was funny.. so my group ended up splitting into two.. it wasn't a big deal though cause we had more people then we were pose to.. bridgette got sick ): but everyone knew why LOL.. mm.. and we all just loafted and scoped.. too much embarrasing stuff happened to me ): .. really?? the time where guys decide to look at me, i end up looking clueless and having people laugh at me .. i am hopeless with boys, not that im looking for any, reason why i get clueless around them now.. i guess thats just a sign that definitly should stay by my baby's side, IN WHICH I DO NOT MIND AT ALL.. but yeah .. seeing paint on my table is really making me feel like i gotta do something.. so i'm gonna go into my creative state of mind, and play with them paints i havn't used in a WHILE; if it acutally looks good, i'll MAYBE post it. too shy with my work..


Sunday, May 24, 2009

leaving for school

need to do before summer:
- dye hair
- pass grade 10
- do summer school
- maybe get into camp
- get away.

packing for school .. dont know how this week will turn out, hopefully i'll be more focused. my heart and mind are way to exhausted to think bout anything anymore .. i need a giant chocolate covered pretzel ..


good morning weeooweeooweeoo..oooo

throat is killingggg me.

Saturday, May 23, 2009


just came back home, from an uber looooong day, its 2 in the morning, and i'm just a little dizzy .. went to missisauga fer sd and a birthday .. flew with unicorns, but maybe i was just enjoying myself a lil too much that i hadn't realized that i cant get mad anymore .. i cant 'care' that he's with/getting chopped by/chopping another girl, i just have to stand back and watch..
..well it SUCKS DICK being the audience.
dunno how long my patients could last anymore .. driven to the point of insanity but i saw a new side of reality

needa pee.



Friday, May 22, 2009


one word for this week.. and the next few days of school thats left..




Wednesday, May 20, 2009

i have 10 minutes to write on my blog and well.. lets say today was an up and down day.. but what MADE my day was gym class.. short story even shorter.. my teamate tried pulling the flag off of the player from the opponent team, and instead of the flag being pulled, his shorts were pulled off, "i've never seen someone's clothes get taken off that fast" - gym teacher. yup (: hhaha, made my day, i swear i peed myself.. it was hard to tell cause it was a hot day.. and wearing black pants didn't help.. anyhow.. the rest of my day was pretty shit.. last night really got to me..
killing me softly. lala.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

i'm slacking off in the computer lab right now, having difficulties in my computers project that was due 34782394 years ago, i blame it onmy partner ): lol i lie.. he did as much as work as i did.. its just we didn't do any work really.. anyHOW, um so i deleted my last post cause i thought it was a bit too exposiing, haha blah seems like everyones being exposed these days.. well yesterday i came back to kingsway .. blogging through e-mail 8-) .. and yaa, took a ride with my cousin, it was good.. good bonding time, and i also got to see a few fire works that i missed on sunday.. uh yeah.. as for the other intense ish ive been thinking bout .. its just been blah for me .. starting to feel like the beginning of the year .. like i said to myself in the beginning .. if there are any signs of little interest in me.. i'd fall back and prevent myself from going through the depressive phase, and keep my feelings on the DL cause i don't see a point of letting it all out if he doesn't feel the same.., but after all we've been through these past months (its been over 6 months now :| ), its sorta difficult .. but im trying, i really am.. i don't want to be that annoying nagging girl that tries to get attention from the person she really likes.. its too elementary school for someone like me ): .. but then again my feelings are just too stuborn for me to sit still .. i need something to keep me calm, independent, and stable from all this..
when was the last time i asked for my stress to be relieved..
i miss him .. corny ..

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Friday, May 15, 2009

angels and demons

watched ANGELS AND DEMONS.. it WAS AMAAAZING.. watched it with a friend who failed several times on assuming who the bad guy was.. um well early in the morning i stopped by joan with an old friend. ACTUALLY it was pretty funny.. early in the morning, bumping into my ex with my ex HAHA, and the funny thing was that i didn't even notice it till after staring at both of them for a good 2 min feeling like something is up.. well the point was that i had to get my summer school forms--OH and as a side story.. so me and old friend were walking together from the school.. i caught a glimpse of an old.. letssay.. rival? er well some chick that i dont dislike or like and the fact that i have a bad history, errsay.. well rep, with my old friend.. doesn't help that we're walking together, and im very sure that some type of rumor is going to start and i'm not gonna know about it, haha FML--, went out w/ rents n grandrents fer a bit, loafted & even got to watch a pokemon movie, then went out to watch angels and demon.. WHICH IS AMAZING.. like i said earlyer. now waiting patiently for Inglorious Bastards to come out..

ARGH. boys are complicated, girls are worst.. sometimes i question why i bother with liking both.. just way to lazy to explain what i just said.


Thursday, May 14, 2009

long weekend

uh not feelin the mood to write bout my week/day, sadly iv decided to give up on some people from kingsway[er not all, just if u kno me enuff, u can tell who], yessirr i guess my anger has started to overcome me, blind fucks like always. um well .. just to sum up today .. it was good to catch up with uber close old friends, thought i was eventually gonna lose them too; if i lost them, plus the people in kingsway, n him all this week, it'd be too much.. i cudn't even handle the last one. but even tho i came back.. it just feels too different, having doubts bout my future :/

on a different note: 'golden unicorn' event is comming up, the thing is.. the unicorn doesn't have a horn.. wtf?

ah fuck its hard.


Sunday, May 10, 2009

happy mommy's day

played pokemon, then went out to look for a mothers day card.. there was bbq at my place.. didn't really do much for mothers day;

feeling my week is going to be rough. just need one person to bare with me until thursday afternoon.. ATLEAST one.

"God talk to me now, this is an emergency" K.W


a saturday

overall today was good.. too lazy to write everything; but iuno .. its 3 am.. and i'm feeling uneasy, i feel as if history is going to repeat itself in somewhat a different matter.. impossible as it sounds.. more is at risk.

i dont know what i need right now


Friday, May 8, 2009

high on eminem

my accomplishments this week/or the last 3 days i was at school:
- skipped work for 3 days. came once on thursday for 30 min..
- almost got an infraction from work/close to getting fired
- got the dean to hate me and nag the fuck outta me ..
- almost had my temper released
haha. amazing week it was (:


today was interesting .. it was a nice, hot day, then it rains, then it stops raining, then it rains.. blah really?? ah watever. an hour ride home just listnein to eminems new album which is PRETTY AMAZING. i am definitly sure if i could listen to him and just focus on all the songs, i'm pretty sure i can get high off of that ish (: .. anyhow, so iv decided to get another hair cut.. more like victoria beckham, NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.. i just.. i dont wanna look like im 8 years old anymore.. and i found a new game on the dsi .. i completely forgot what its called but it has a unicorn and its like the future generation of OLD SCHOOL GAMES. that made intirely no sense but it makes me feel good just saying that.. i also spent some time with an uber close friend.. another day well spent. now all i have to do is come up with a 2 min speech for tomrrow.. the fact that i pretty much was failing english ALL of last semester seems as if its impossible for me to get everythign ready by the end of tonight.. really need an interesting topic ): .. but blah watever i'll somehow figure it out.

ANYWAYS. the song beautiful by eminem is acutally making me wonder, wtf am i doing with my life??



Tuesday, May 5, 2009

marques houston; yum :9

my slack off day was fun, spent it playing pokemon, pizza, resting, some marques houston, and jamie foxx <3, just glad i had a playmate to keep me company today, gonna miss it.. gotta go back to school by 7am .. which means get ready by 6am :| like really!?? someone save me and somehow make me stay ): .. i'm hoping its worth going to the lung assosiation thing tmrw tho.. blah hours are hours. the onlyy thing that sucks the most is that ONE THING everyone has.. something they want UBERFULLY MUCH, but CAN'T get, even if they tried. somethign you KNOW your gonna care for, take care of it as if it's your life, but you cant reach for it, and all you can do is watch other people work for it(not even as much as u do) n take it so easily.. similar to that arcade game .. the one at niagra falls where u press the button to pause the blocks from moving, and it has to make a tower.. if u get to the top you get a wii or a gps system er even a psp. maaayne, i was watchin people play that game and majority reached the block RIGHT before the "mega prize thing" andd lose. i'm guessing thats my point. why is being a girl so difficult,i won't believe anyone that tries to boost me, "oh a million guys call you.. you can get whatever guy.. yadayadayada", less i've gotten this one.. but anyhow .. im trying real hard to not be mad at myself or to just brush it off like i usually would, cause CLEARLY i can't do anything which is acutally sad thinking bout it. but watever, back to square one.. time to be independent and fruck life and screw myself over the stupidesstering things, LOL i expect weeks of depression from me--gonna get through..

what to do before/by friday:
-get a victoria beckham hair cut.
-get over it.

gotta pee ..


UPDATE!/my bed covers

SO i'm back home.. lol okay honestly .. i dont know why the nurse at my dorm has to be soo cautious bout the swine flu in Oshawa.. having the boys dorm on quarantined was already too much, but sending people who only try to get on sicklist home.. is getting too far. all i wanted was to get on sicklist cause of my throat and headaches(catch up on sleeping, from all the lost .. sleepingness .. i've lost.. er yea) and play dsi all day.. but if getting sent home is an option, i'm not complaining :D .. well i'm off to be under the covers of my bed(:


Monday, May 4, 2009


i'm blogging from my e-mail and computers class is almost over, lets just say.. its been a depressing day, and i'm not talking about only me.
what i've done today:
failed my science in class assignemnt.
failed my math in class assignment plus i was late.
died during gym class.

Sunday, May 3, 2009



compliments to jezer for the idea of my first actual post(:

P.S angela if your out there, your new nick name is angela "swine flu vagina sucker" abrenica, just cause we love you and that name is killing me :D



KAY so. i had a blog earlier. but i decided, i needed to stop venting on my blog, cause i noticed that i just sound like an angry child. ANDDDD i have a very good explaination fer that, THAT time i used my blog to vent only, i am a happy person.. (:< .. anyhow this is my new blog .. i'll fix it up when i feel like it, KAY CHIGGAS?!